Těším se na .../ I look forward to...

After two years of living overseas, people have asked me what I'm looking forward to back home. Of course, there are the easy answers like friends, family, and my dog, but when I really gave it some thought, I came up with a big list. Some of these things might surprise you, make you laugh, or give you a glimpse of what the past two years have been like in my apartment. But my real hope is that it will help you to appreciate some of these "little things" in your own life a bit more. After all, the little things tend to add up.

Here's the list (in no order of importance or gleeful expectation):

• Bathroom cabinets. And a bathroom counter for that matter. There's just zero storage space in bathrooms here, which is fine if you live alone, but a different story if it's 3 girls living together.
• No visa issues or foreign police to worry about. 
• Good morning hugs from family.
• Baking with (and partaking of) PUMPKIN. If you follow me on Pinterest, you already know this...
• Talking to my parents and friends in person instead of over Skype.
• Readable oven settings. I've never truly been sure which symbol was for 'bake' on our oven. In fact, for the first month or so last year, my flatmates and I were accidentally broiling everything. 
• A double sink in the kitchen. Necessary? No, but super handy.
• Room under the bed for storage. My bed frame here is like a wooden box that the mattress sits in.
• Easy availability of items like vanilla extract, brown sugar, peanut butter, pancake/waffle syrup, good cake and brownie mixes, etc.
• The crock-pot, blender, and food processor at home. I am super pumped to make smoothies and utilize the goldmine of crock-pot recipes that I've found over the past two years.
• Being able to buy medicines at places like Wal-Mart, Walgreens, and CVS, where I can browse for what I need AND read the labels. Here, I have to go to a special store for meds and ask the people behind the counter for what I need. The people are always nice, we just don't speak the same language.
• Not having a 6-hour (minimum) time difference between me and my family and friends back home.
• Being able to rent DVDs from the library and/or Redbox and watch them with company on a TV screen, as opposed to streaming movies online from my tiny netbook (no disc-drive) where I have to use headphones to hear anything decently. 
• Going to hairdressers, dentists, and doctors that I know and can communicate with in English without needing any language-barrier assistance. 
• Having a washing machine that doesn't drain into the bathtub. Trust me, that water smells gross.
• The ability to get filtered coffee almost anywhere. Here it's usually only espresso-based beverages that are available at restaurants, cafes, and gas stations. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy a good cappuccino, but sometimes, you just want a cup of normal, drip brew.
• Multiplied kitchen counter space. I don't know how Czech women prepare such big meals with such limited preparation space. 
• Huge (and relatively inexpensive) ice cream selection in supermarkets. 
• Having a printer/copier at home. 
• Renting oodles of books from the library at no cost. 
• The joy that comes with getting mail from the mailbox and the newspaper and ads from the front door.
• REAL Italian food. They often use ketchup in their tomato sauces, and don't even get me started on their lasagna...
• REAL Mexican food. It just doesn't exist here, and neither do frozen margaritas for that matter.
• Seafood. You can get it here, but it's definitely not cheap or very fresh. Czech is a landlocked country if you're not up on your geography.
• Snuggling with my dog. Czech people love their dogs, and you can usually see at least one in any direction that you look, but petting a stranger's dog is frowned upon.
• Ceiling fans (I have yet to see one here) and more widely-available air-conditioning. 
• Window screens to keep the bugs out while letting in fresh air. They are available here, but our flat doesn't have them. Needless to say, I've become good friends with the flyswatter. 
• Product labels that I can read and don't have to translate. Usually, the front label or product title will be in English, but the user info and/or preparation guidelines/instructions are in 2-3 other languages (not including English). Hooray for Google Translate!
• Flavored coffee creamer.
• A clothes dryer, especially for delinting and softening towels.
• English measurements for weather comprehension (Celsius is like Greek to me) and cooking/baking ease.
• Being able to sew projects and mend items with a sewing machine.
• Having a real home address for online shopping. 
• Blinds/curtains in the home. Not that they're not available here, we just don't have them in our flat. Let's not think about what people may or may not see from the street...
• Sticks of butter. It sounds silly, but you try baking with a big bar of butter that's measured for baking in grams instead of cups.
• Challenging sermons at church with no headphone translation necessary. 
• Not having to carry my groceries home from the store. For this reason, I don't ever recall buying potatoes here.
• BAGELS. I don't know why, but they just don't have them here.
• My church family at DCOG. I'm so looking forward to worshiping and serving with them again.
• Watching football with Dad.
• Honeycrisp apples. They're my favorite, and they kind of turned me into an apple snob.
• Finally being able to make a lot of the recipes and crafty things I've found on Pinterest.
• Cheaper drugstore makeup. For example, the average L'Oreal mascara is about the equivalent of $15-20 here. 
• Commercials. Call me crazy, but I tend to like them, especially the ones from Target.
• Target! I could browse there for hours.
• Being around a larger percent of people who wear deodorant. As a friend here once told me, "Czech people are clean, but they don't wear deodorant. German people are both clean and they wear deodorant. French people aren't clean, but they try to cover it up with deodorant."
• Reese's peanut butter cups. They finally have Oreo's here, but they haven't discovered the magic combination of peanut butter and chocolate yet.
• Visiting my favorite restaurants from back home. There are way too many to name here.
• Finally meeting my friends' babies that they've had while I've been gone and/or celebrating with my friends who have tied the knot in my absence. Amanda Kay Prior...Block, I'm looking at you!!!
• Not being stared at by strangers when I answer the phone in English and have English conversations in public.

All that being said, there are so many things and people that I will miss from Czech when I get back to my Indiana home in August. In fact, I'm sure that I'll end up making a new list in a few months with the opposite perspective. But if I think about it now, I'll surely burst into tears. It's rough to have two homes. So for now, I will enjoy the last few weeks in Ostrava as I look forward to the people and things (be they big or small) that make up my life in my American home. 

Change

Back in late September, my teaching schedule got thrown for a loop. I went from teaching mostly individuals and small classes of adults to mainly teaching classes of 15-25 children at a primary school in another city. Goodbye, comfort zone. Hello, chaos. When I was just entering that period of change, I sat down at a local cafe and penned some thoughts about the idea of change. Now, about 8 months later, I'm getting ready to make another big change: going home. Therefore, I think it's a good time to reflect back on those thoughts. So here they are.

Change

It can make you crazy.
It can make you doubt yourself.
It can make you forgetful.
It can make you feel completely out of control.

But,
It can make you grow.
It can make you change your perspective.
It can force you to trust God more and yourself less.

It can be startling, sudden, and unwanted.
It can be overwhelming and confusing.
It can feel like it'll break you.
It can be completely mind-boggling.
It can make you resentful.

But,
It can be refreshing.
It can be exactly what you didn't realize you needed.
It can allow God to use you more.

A good sunset always calms my soul. Here's one from our balcony back in October. 

Prince Charming

I've read the books. I've seen the movies. As a little girl, I can remember dreaming about my own Prince Charming. I don't remember him whisking me away on a magnificent white horse or anything, but I do remember one very important thing: he was perfect.

Didn't grow up in the height of Disney-adapted fairy tales? Here's a recap: Prince Charming was brave, strong, handsome, charming (I couldn't resist...), and most importantly, he loved his maiden enough to battle evil to be with her. A love-struck hero who is willing to sacrifice himself to save his maiden in distress? He sure seems like quite the catch.

It's usually the case that girls start liking boys first. In my head, it goes something like this:

         Little girl: "He's dreamy. Oh, he looked at me! Time to start planning our wedding."
         Little boy: "Ewww, why is she looking at me? I think I need another cootie shot...just to be safe."

That was definitely the case with me. I started liking boys at a very early age, much to my parent's dismay, I would imagine. And I remember them telling me a story from when I was probably in preschool. I had asked where we were going, and my parents had replied that we were heading to church. Apparently, my response was, "Oh goody. There's boys there."

Of course, much to my disappointment, boys my age still thought girls were the grossest thing on the planet, and let's remember that little boys like some pretty yucky things.

Fast forward to middle school. Boys were finally getting the idea that maybe girls weren't really so bad, and that maybe they were even kinda pretty. There was really no point in dating, as nobody could go anywhere without their parents driving them, and therefore supervising, but still young romances prevailed. I remember talking with my friends about the boys we thought were cute and could be "the one," and wishing and hoping for my turn. As humiliating as it sounds now, I remember showing up to school and thinking it was a sign that we were meant to be together if my crush and I were wearing the same color of clothes. Yup, that was me, pathetically and perpetually boy-crazy.

Continue on to high school and college. There were some almosts, that's for sure. And even almosts can cause some heartbreak. But there was never any official boyfriend & girlfriend relationship, much to my dismay (though I'm sure that it helped my father to sleep more peacefully). I remember wondering if there was something wrong with me, if I was destined to be an old bag lady.

If I look back, part of why it never happened was because I was really particular. I didn't want a boyfriend just for the sake of having one. Especially past high school, I wasn't interested in simply dating for fun. I wanted it to be real. I wanted it to last. And I had quite a mental list of the qualities I wanted in a significant other. Not that I was necessarily looking for Prince Charming, but you get the idea.

Now, almost 2 full years out of college, I am in that lovely stage of watching all my friends get engaged and married. I'll be honest, sometimes it really hurts. Sometimes I feel left behind. I look at the people from high school and college, and so many of them are married and already have little families of their own. And then I look at myself, single and with no marriage prospects (boy, I sound like a character from one of Jane Austen's novels...). Sometimes I'm relieved at this. I know I'm not ready to have my own family yet. But I would like someone to share my life with. I want somebody to love that will love me in return.

And then I realize, there is someone who loves me more than I can imagine, more than everyone else in the world put together. Someone that died so that we could be together forever. Someone who knows absolutely everything about me and still loves me anyway. Someone who loves me no strings attached. Someone who is fighting a huge battle for me, and who asks me to bring Him my worries, doubts, fears, struggles, and problems so that He can help me through them. Someone who is always there and always has time for me, no matter how silly the problem seems to be.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that what Prince Charming is all about, only at least a thousand times better?

Over the past 24 years, I've spent a lot of time thinking, hoping, and praying that one day, God would bring a special man into my life. And I will continue to hope and pray for that. But, I will remember that I already have my Prince Charming. He's been there by my side every step of the way, and there He will remain, for His love endures forever.

To all my single ladies (myself included), stop looking for Prince Charming, and look to your creator. He's more of a Prince Charming than we could ever hope for, and He'll bring the right earthly men into our lives when the time is right.

the decision

so i have good news and bad news. often, when people say that phrase, they follow it up with this question, "which one do you want to hear first?" i've given it some thought, and i think it's better to hear the bad news first. that way, the good news can potentially soften the blow of the bad news. if you hear the good news first, then the bad news has the potential to completely wreck the happiness from the good news. of course, that's just my opinion. and in this case, whether the news is good or bad depends on which side of the atlantic you live on.

so without further adieu, here is the news: after much prayer and consideration, i will be finishing out my contract this summer and returning stateside. if you read my previous post, then you know that this was not an easy decision to make. people say that home is where the heart is. well i've got two homes, both with people that i love and cherish, and both with their different ways of life and corresponding advantages and disadvantages.

if you're from my home in america, i'm excited to see you again soon. mom and dad, i'm so excited to see you in person, and not just over skype where your images often freeze in the strangest ways. mr. dog, you know that i am most definitely excited to see you and snuggle with your furry softness. friends, i'm excited to meet your new significant others, husbands, and/or babies and catch up over highly addictive caffeinated beverages. church family, i'm excited to worship with you again.

if you're from my more recent home in czech, my heart breaks to leave you. but i want you to know that i'll never fully leave. a part of me will remain here forever (and i'm not talking about that lost sock that will probably be a permanent resident of our flat since i can't seem to find it). the past two years with you have been some of the most encouraging, challenging, and growing experiences of my life. thank you for teaching me, for being patient with me, and for allowing me into your lives. now this isn't goodbye, so don't get all sappy. instead, let's enjoy the last few months we have together before we have to say "see you later." we can cry then. i know i will.

and now, good news for everyone! my parents are coming to czech! after showing and describing lots of pictures and many discussions of who is who and what is what, they will finally get to experience czech in person, and i'm so ridiculously excited to share my 2nd home with them. they are arriving in prague on august 3rd and my goal is to bring them to church in ostrava on the 5th. *you cb'ers better mark your calendars so that i can introduce you to my family!* after some time in ostrava and prague, we'll be flying back home as a family on august 13th. i don't even want to think about all the heavy suitcases, but i'm glad we can do it together.

one last note: i want to give a big shout-out to everyone who has supported me financially these past two years with teachoverseas. all the necessary funds have been raised (including the cost of my flight back to indiana-land), and i am beyond joyful and grateful to you and the sacrifices you have made to allow me to be here. thank you!!

Pursuit of a Path

Patience has never been my strong suit. And let's be honest, if it was a struggle before high-speed internet, it's really a challenge now. We live in a society where we have instant (or nearly instant) access to everything. It's a point and click kind of world. And all that experience with instant access makes us want instant results. Take for example, the relatively clear goal of physical fitness. *Note: I didn't say easy, I said clear.* I went to my first aerobic class recently (not only my first in a foreign country, but truly my first ever) and I'd be lying if I said the hope of instant toning results never crossed my mind. When we put effort towards something, we want that effort to not have been in vain. Of course, in the case of physical fitness, one time of effort, no matter how intense, is not likely to yield any instant results other than fatigue. It takes repeated effort over a period of time to gain results. And that requires perseverance and the determination of refusing to be lazy. Combine laziness and a lack of patience, and you don't really have a chance.

And if it's hard to be patient in circumstances with a clear path or goal, it's extremely difficult when you can't see the path or haven't determined what the goal is. That is where my life is right now. I'm about halfway through my second year with ESI/TeachOverseas, and the time has come to make a big decision: do I stay for another year or do I return to the U.S.? Last year, it was a relatively easy decision. I knew what my heart wanted, and God confirmed those desires. This year, it is decidedly more complicated. And I'm on a deadline: I have to make my decision official by February 20th. I feel like I know what I need to choose, and up until about a week ago, I was feeling mostly confident of what my decision would be. But now? Now, I'm scared, for that choice would mean a path that I cannot see, and goals that I have not yet made. It would mean certain uncertainty in many areas of my life. And if you know me well, you know that I like to have a plan. If I have a plan, I can know what to expect, at least to a degree. No plans = expectations of mass chaos and probable regret.

You might be asking, why is this year's decision so complicated? That's a good question. Here are some reasons:

*Student loans: I can't keep deferring them much longer. But I don't make enough money to pay on them with my job here.

*Job: I have absolutely no idea what I would do for a job in the U.S. and I feel rather unqualified for most everything. And I kind of need a job to pay back those loans...

*Address: The chances are very, very good that my parents will move, if not to another city or state for a new job, at least to a smaller house. I can't quite apply for jobs if I don't know what my address will be. And I would surely be living with my parents again for awhile to build up savings.

*Relationships: While my parents and dog are a big draw back home, most of my friends there have lives of their own now with spouses and/or children to tend to. Here, I have a wealth of friends and other people near my age to spend time with.

There are advantages and disadvantages to both leaving and staying. No matter what I choose, it won't be a complete win. It will be extremely bittersweet. And just thinking about that breaks my heart. So right now, in the days that remain of my decision-making, I am in pursuit of two things. First, a path. Second, peace that will accompany that path.

I have neither of those yet, but I do have hope. I was given a new devotional back in July. To give you some background, I was angry and frustrated when I received it, and out of some sort of rebellion, I refused to read it right away. I took it back to Czech with me, but put it in a poor location where it wasn't easily visible. In my defense, I originally thought it was a great location... Anyway, I didn't start reading it until late December. In that pivotal moment, I saw it and felt a strong pull to open it, if only to read the introduction. It was late at night, and I had an early morning line-up of difficult classes, and after seeing that the intro was more than a few pages long, I almost put it down. But I felt something spiritual at work, as if God wanted me to read it and Satan was trying to keep me from it by attacking my laziness. So I purposefully started reading the introduction to a devotional by Sarah Young, entitled "Jesus Calling." It was much more interesting than I had imagined it to be, and about halfway through it, I found something I'd been looking for (yet not actively pursuing) for years: a bible verse to claim as my own. Everything I'd seen that I'd liked was either someone else's or a verse that is often taken out of context and/or has become overused and cliche. Well here was one that spoke directly to my soul. Isaiah 55:12 "You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace." Finding that verse made the score 1 to 0. Satan was losing, but he hadn't given up the battle. As I finished reading the intro, I thought that I might as well read the devotional for the day. That's where Satan stepped in once again and said, "But Ashley, this devotional starts in January. It's practically the end of December, so you can just put it off for a few days and start it neatly at the beginning with the new year." His argument made logical sense, and I almost gave in. But I sensed the continuing battle and delighted in the opportunity of not only obeying God, but annoying Satan by reading the message for that day. I had just started to truly ponder this decision before me, and so not only was it encouraging then, it is applicable and encouraging now.

Here it is. December 21:

My plan for your life is unfolding before you. Sometimes the road you are traveling seems blocked, or it opens up so painfully slowly that you must hold yourself back. Then, when the time is right, the way before you suddenly clears--through no effort of your own. What you have longed for and worked for I present to you freely, as pure gift. You feel awed by the ease with which I operate in the world and you glimpse My Power and My Glory.

Do not fear your weakness, for it is the stage on which My Power and Glory perform most brilliantly. As you persevere along the path I have prepared for you, depending on My strength to sustain you, expect to see miracles--and you will. Miracles are not always visible to the naked eye, but those who live by faith can see them clearly. Living by faith, rather than sight, enables you to see My Glory.

More recent hope I've found for making this decision and surviving the aftermath is yet another message from this devotional. February 1:

Follow me one step at a time. That is all I require of you. In fact, that is the only way to move through this space/time/world. You see huge mountains looming, and you start wondering how you're going to scale those heights. Meanwhile, because you're not looking where you're going, you stumble on the easy path where I am leading you now. As I help you get back on your feet, you tell Me how worried you are about the cliffs up ahead. But you don't know what will happen today, much less tomorrow. Our path may take an abrupt turn, leading you away from those mountains. There may be an easier way up the mountains than is visible from this distance. If I do lead you up the cliffs, I will equip you thoroughly for that strenuous climb. I will even give My angels charge over you, to preserve you in all your ways.

Keep your mind on the present journey, enjoying My presence. Walk by faith, not by sight, trusting Me to open up the way before you.

If you look at the name of this blog, you will notice it is called "Walking by Faith: Giving God the Wheel and Learning to Sit in the Passenger's Seat." I gave it that name in 2010 as I signed up to live overseas and teach English in a country that I had just recently learned the location of. I knew nothing about teaching. I knew zero Czech language. I didn't even know my teammates yet. Everything ahead of me was uncertain, so the name seemed to fit perfectly. Now, as I get ready to make a decision that could very easily toss me out of my comfort zone again, this blog's name reaffirms itself again.

Like I said, I neither have a path nor peace about the decided path yet, but I do have hope. Hope that comes from my faith that God will lead me in this decision and in the result. Of course, that means trusting Him and choosing to LET HIM LEAD instead of trusting in myself. Once again, I must be intentional about walking by faith and not by sight.

Tidings of Comfort and Joy...and Starbucks.

It took me a long time to get into the Christmas spirit this year. I listened to Christmas music (not until December, mind you). I visited Christmas markets in three different countries. I watched Christmas movies. I sang English carols with a choir for an advent service at the church I attend. I drank hot chocolate spiked with peppermint schnapps. Still no cigar. It was strange and confusing, and suddenly, Christmas was a day away. I thought, "I'm not prepared for this. I'm not emotionally or spiritually ready." Part of the reason was definitely due to missing family. I figured that the second year being away during the holidays would be easier, but truth be told, I've missed my family a lot more this year. We'd had a brief glimmer of hope that they might be able to come visit over Christmas, but it didn't work out, which was disappointing. I'd kept my schedule open in the event that they could come, so I was without plans, which probably didn't help my lack of Christmas spirit.

But as usual, God provided, and I had the opportunity to spend Christmas Eve with my roommate, Shelly, at the home of our office secretary and her family. We ate cabbage soup, potato salad, fried chicken schnitzel, and possibly the best salmon I've ever sampled. Traditionally, Czechs eat carp instead of salmon, but the secretary's husband and son don't like it. From what I hear, it's a very bony fish. We sang Czech Christmas carols around the table and had conversations in Czechlish. Then we opened presents and relaxed in the living room with mandarins, Czech Christmas cookies, peanut butter fudge (courtesy of my roommate), and silly youtube videos. It was wonderful. Shelly and I spent the night and we all went to church together in the morning. After the service, a group of about 9 young people from church (including myself) joined the pastor and his family for Christmas lunch in their home (conveniently located inside the church building). We ate way too much food and talked about various Christmas traditions in our families and different parts of the world.

Shelly and I in front of the Christmas tree at our host's house on Christmas Eve.

The next day, I started a holiday adventure, beginning with a 7.5 hour journey by train to Cheb (a small city on the other side of the Czech Republic) with Shelly to see a mutual friend who lives and teaches there, also with ESI. The following day, we went on a trip to Nuremberg, Germany together, as it was only about 2 hours away by train. It was a beautiful place, and of course, I took the opportunity to delight in a caramel macchiato from Starbucks, which you can see in the photo above.

The next day, we took yet another trip. This time, we went to the famous spa-town of Karlovy Vary. Wow oh wow, this place was just breathtaking. Now, if you're not familiar with spa towns, these are places where of course, you can get various spa treatments done. But, the main thrills here are the many natural hot springs, which supposedly have numerous health benefits if you drink the water. The water is free and there are plenty of places to buy specially decorated "sippy cups" for consumption of the water. Since I was the newbie on the trip, the girls let me pick out a cup, which they purchased for me. Of course, there was a catch: I had to try the water from all the springs. Let me just tell you, it was...something. The best way to describe the taste is like a warm liquid penny. Just delicious. My friends captured this magical moment on video, but I don't currently have access to it, so I will upload it at a later date. Until then, here is a picture of us on one of the bridges in the city.

One sip of each spring was quite enough, and my roommate was sure to take a picture of every drinking point. By the time we reached the last spring, I decided that it might be the best out of all the ones I'd tried, so I decided to get a cup-full for any potential health benefits. As we left, I took a big gulp, of which my taste buds instantly rejected. Sorry Karlovy Vary, but I will not be coming back to visit for the sake of drinking your water. I would however come back to enjoy the scenery and giggle at the name of Grand Hotel Pupp (pronounced "poop").

Before leaving Ostrava, I'd contacted a good friend in Germany to see if it would be possible to see each other after the trip in Cheb, while we would be somewhat closer in proximity. I packed extra clothes on the off chance that it would work out, and let me tell you, my backpack was stuffed to the max. (Packing light is not my strength, so I was quite proud.) During the course of the time in Cheb, I found out that it was indeed possible. So on the 29th, I left my friends in Cheb and traveled 6 hours by train to Berlin to visit Claudia Weigel. Oh my goodness. Berlin is amazing. If you ever have a chance to travel anywhere in Europe, go to Berlin. It is an amazingly historical and modern city at the same time. And if you're addicted to American coffee, you'll be right at home. I've never seen more Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts shops in my life. Seriously, it was almost comical. And yes, I did partake in some other Starbucks favorites during my stay :-) I've gotta say, it was nice to not miss out on their gingerbread latte this year.

Claudia showed me around Berlin, took me to the 34th European meeting of Taize (literally thousands upon thousands of young people gathered to worship and pray in multiple languages), and then we got to spend New Year's Eve together. It was a wonderful time with such a great friend, and it was amazing to experience such a vibrant city. I was half tempted to just stay there forever. Unfortunately, I don't speak a lick of German... I headed home to Ostrava on the 1st, and for a 9-hour journey, it wasn't too bad. I spent the first 6 hours with two Australian guys who were on holiday between their first and second year in university, and it was great to have someone to talk to. We even played cards for awhile. Such foreigners :-)

Claudia and I with one of the Berlin bears stationed around the city. This one was inside the train station.

And now it's 2012. How crazy is that? And so I leave you with this quote from Grey's Anatomy: "We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?"

don't get too comfortable.

the comfort zone is a dangerous place. in this zone, it's easy to become robotic, simply going through the memorized habits and motions.

i was quickly reminded of this about a month and a half ago when my teaching schedule was thrown for a loop. one week, i was in my comfort zone, teaching mostly small or individual classes of adults, with just two classes of 11-12 year-old children to challenge me. things were simple. the next week, it was a whole new ballgame in which most of my classes were wiped out to be replaced by teaching at a primary school in a nearby town. all children. all day. twice a week.

i hadn't taught any children at all until this year. needless to say, i was praising God for the few weeks of "practice" i'd been given with the two children's classes that were in my original schedule. to go from teaching small classes of adults and a few teenagers to classes ranging from 13-20 students ages 8 and up is quite a change, and i've decided that teaching children who don't speak your language is near the top of the list of ways to test my patience.

the past month and a half definitely hasn't all been smooth sailing, and i'll freely admit that there have been multiple times where i've wanted to throw up my hands in defeat, break down in tears, or do a combination of both. however, the good moments have definitely outweighed the bad, and i'd like to share a few of the heartwarming and/or entertaining moments with you.

*word at the school has quickly spread that i am the native english speaker, and whenever i walk down the halls, students that i've never taught say hello in english (though quite sheepishly, much to my amusement). the students who i have taught are often much more confident and animated, and many of them practically shout, "hello, ashley!" better yet is when i walk into my 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th grade classes, and the students light up like christmas trees and excitedly shout my name. even if they act like stinkers in class, it's nice to know that they appreciate my presence.

*on the first day of teaching the 7th class, there was a group of boys near the back who weren't paying attention. i walked back to them, crossed my arms, gave them the stink eye, and told them that i wouldn't move until they had answered one of the questions in the activity we were doing as a class. of course, they gawked at me like i was speaking chinese. one of them finally spoke up, so i moved on. later on though, they were being quite loud and distracting, so i shouted, "ticho, prosim!" (quiet, please) in their direction. these students didn't know that i could speak and understand some czech, and the boys' jaws practically hit the floor while all the girls stood up and clapped.

*i teach a few after-school classes, where there is no czech teacher to supervise. since it's only me, the children often lose their incentive to behave and end up driving me crazy. two of the classes contain multiple hyper-active children, so i've found that providing a word search or scramble can often help them to focus. when they finish the exercise, they come up to my desk to have me check it and give them a grade. even though it's not technically for a grade, it gives them great pleasure when i put a 1 at the bottom, which is the best grade possible. but of course, the grade isn't enough. they also want me to sign it. one week when doing this, the students decided that i was a celebrity and practically attacked me in a mad attempt to get my signature. they had me sign random papers, exercise books, hands, and even one boy's wallet. i'm sure their parents were pleased that i refused to sign their foreheads.

*in another after-school class, there is a set of two boys that always stay behind to help clean up the classroom. they typically just wipe down the chalkboard, but yesterday they even took to straightening the rows of desks (in a slightly OCD-manner, i might add).

*last week, when my public children's class (held at the fishnet office) was over, one of my students came up to me and handed me a picture she had drawn of me. my heart definitely smiled in thankfulness at the sweet gesture. and how fitting, as our lesson was on thanksgiving. i have posted the picture below in hopes that it will bring a smile to your heart too :-)

pursuit of purity

many years ago, i decided that i wanted to remain physically pure until i got married. my parents even bought me a purity ring to symbolize my goal.

flash forward to the present, and while i may still be physically pure, my mind is anything but. with the help of public schooling and questionable film and television content, i am no longer naive. the fact of the matter is, once you see or hear something, you can't unsee or unhear it. it's physically impossible. whether the original seeing or hearing was intentional or not, the devil has a way of using this questionable content and numbing us to its influence. eventually, we are so comfortably numb that we see no issue with what once would have at least brought up a red flag.

i'm not sure what it was, but something this summer woke me up and made it impossible to remain comfortably numb. i'm tired of my purity ring being just jewelry that i wear, with no true symbolism anymore. i'm tired of catching myself thinking that i'm somehow holier than people who have had premarital sex or children out of wedlock. basically, i'm tired of lying to myself about my purity (or lack thereof), so i've decided to create a new symbol.

the ring finger of the left hand has special significance because it's where we place the wedding ring. since marriage is one of my biggest dreams, i look at this empty finger of mine a lot. therefore, i decided that this was the perfect place for my new symbol: nail polish. i can imagine what you must be thinking. nail polish? really? it might seem ridiculous, but you know what? it works. having this one nail painted over the past month has truly helped me to guard myself against tempting my purity. not only that, since having only one nail painted is unusual, it makes people curious, which allows me to share what i'm doing and have people hold me accountable.

my goal is no longer simply to remain physically pure until marriage. instead, i'm focusing on holistic purity: purity of the heart, body, and mind. as i've recently learned, true purity encompasses every aspect of one's life. abstinence is only one aspect. my heart and motives must be pure as well. really, i'm only lying to myself about my strive for purity if my mind is full of worldly and lustful thoughts. neither can i truly claim to be pure if my heart contains jealousy and covets the marriages or romantic relationships of others.

yes, i struggle with being content in my singleness (especially as friends left and right are getting married or engaged), but i don't have to struggle alone. God knows what i need (which is perfect, because half the time, i don't even know what i want, much less what i need). in this waiting period, i will pursue holistic purity and take comfort in that i serve the author of time.

Matthew 5:8 "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God."

2 Timothy 2:2: Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

Psalm 51:10: Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.

Traveling Mercies

4-hour drive to Chicago. 8-hour flight to Frankfurt. 5-hour layover. 1-hour flight to Prague. 4-hour train ride to Ostrava. Miscellaneous time in between? Priceless.

It's official--I'm back in Czech! There are so many things I want to share with you, but first off, I want to share about the journey. Even though I've been a Christian for most of my life, I'm still amazed at how God provides. He truly knows exactly what we need at every moment of our lives (which is good, because usually I don't know what I want, much less what I need). Though I've traveled to and from Czech before, I've never done it completely on my own, so the few days leading up to my departure last week were a bit nerve-wracking. I knew what to do in theory, but from what I've experienced these past 23 years, reality can pan out quite differently. Not to mention, I've found that saying goodbye does not get easier the more you do it. At least not for me.

Thankfully, God blessed me with amazing parents, who were so thoughtful as to drive me to Chicago and thus decrease my travel time by one less run through security. Though it was an inconvenience for them, it definitely helped to lessen my stress (minus the saying goodbye part...that part gets me every time). After getting to my gate, which for the record, was much too small for all the passengers planning to board a flight across the ocean in a large metal tube, I managed to get twenty minutes of free Wi-Fi, a.k.a. hello Facebook! During this magical twenty minutes, I found out that a friend and student of mine was going to be in Prague the next day as well. Yes, Martin, I'm talking about you :-) I planned to call him when I arrived at the airport just as my free Wi-Fi said goodbye.

How do you pass the time at an airport gate when your access to internet is cut off? Do you sleep, listen to music, find the nearest bathroom, or...God forbid, talk to other passengers? Now, some of you may have a hard time believing this, but while my father can talk to strangers for hours, I'm the shy one. In fact, after a year of rarely making small talk with strangers (as is usual in Czech culture), I found it quite difficult to involve myself in typical American small talk this summer. For a moment? Fine. But for an extended period of time with a stranger? Strange and uncomfortable.

Well, I don't remember how it happened, but I actually managed to start talking with the two passengers nearest to me. One was a woman headed back to Jordan, where she'd been living for the past ten years with her husband and three children doing ministry with a Christian organization. We didn't have a chance to talk for long, but that brief interaction alone was so encouraging!The other woman next to me lived in Phoenix (just 30 minutes north of my grandparents that I visited this summer) and was heading home to Algiers to visit family. We ended up watching each other's stuff during bathroom visits to preserve our seats in the packed-full gate area.

Once on the plane (praise the Lord, I had an aisle seat!) I was seated next to a friendly German woman and her son who were heading home with her other two sons and Canadian husband. I don't remember who struck up the conversation first, but she was fascinated by how an American could live and work in a foreign country and wanted to know all the details of how I got to Czech, what I was doing there, how it compared with America...the whole nine yards. When I started sharing about how my job is a ministry, I was worried that it might stop our conversation right in its tracks. However, not only did that not happen, but the woman actually wanted to know more! She asked how my students responded to my faith, especially with such a low percentage (1.8%) of professed believers in Czech. It was so encouraging to speak with someone from a different country who shared my faith and could see both the perspective of a Christian and a non-believer in terms of my ministry.

I didn't manage to get any sleep on the 8-hour flight due to my previously mentioned conversation and a lovely touch-screen multimedia center on the back of the seat in front of me (hello on-demand movies, tv shows, map with flight status, and games galore). Once in Frankfurt, I didn't have to change terminals or go through through any security checkpoints other than a quick glance of my passport at passport control, which made for a very relaxed morning. My Lufthansa gate even had an area with newspapers and a free coffee machine that treated me to two surprisingly delicious latte macchiatos during my 5-hour layover. The 1-hour flight to Prague was practically over before it started, and suddenly I was grabbing my luggage and making my way to the shuttle that would take me to the train station for the last leg of my journey. Boy was I glad to only have one suitcase.

Once at the train station, though getting there through construction in downtown Prague was quite precarious, I had the privilege of meeting Martin for a short while. It was so nice to see a familiar face after such a long trip. The usually difficult process of getting my luggage (in this case, 50 lbs. worth) up the steep steps of the train and out of the way once a seat has been found was made much easier due to 1. two women who pushed my bag up from the platform as I attempted to pull from on board the train, and 2. a seat just inside the door with plenty of space for my suitcase to sit right next me against the empty wall. Hooray! The hardest part was over. Since it was a Wednesday, the train wasn't packed full, which made for a much more relaxing time. I even managed to sleep for an hour. When it was finally my stop, a friendly Ostravian even offered to carry my suitcase down the steps for me. What a nice chap. But the nicest surprise was that the escalator from the platform to the main walkway (as opposed to at least 30 stairs) was actually working for once! Hooray! I wanted to kneel down and thank the Lord right there, but since there was a line, I sufficed for a silent thank-you while riding it instead.

My fellow city-teammate, Jess, met me upstairs and was kind enough to let me stay with her for the night since my flat was completely void of life, and more importantly, food. She provided dinner, a bed to sleep in, and pancakes the next morning. What a pal. I'm so blessed to have four other teammates here in Ostrava. I can't imagine living here completely on my own. God made us to have relationships and live in community. He made us to need human companionship. And during my journey and the past week, He has certainly provided it!

Now that I've written quite a novel of an entry, I think it's safe to say that I could boil down all previous paragraphs to two main points.

1. I made it to Ostrava safe and sound.

2. God is so good!

Year One

Packing today. Prague tomorrow. Home on Thursday. Wow. I can't believe my first year is over. Looking back on what life was like exactly one year ago brings to mind a particular word: CHANGE. While it feels like the year has flown by, so much has happened, and so many changes have occurred. Some are silly, some are serious. I don't think I can manage listing them all, but here is a snippet:

*I learned to survive without both air conditioning and ceiling fans. It wasn't easy. It still isn't.

*I can now kill bugs with my bare hands. Only small ones, but hey, that's something.

*I built meaningful relationships with students, other teachers, and youth from church and Young Life. I'm so glad to have another year with them. I really can't imagine saying final goodbyes right now.

*After one year without a car, I've all but forgotten how to drive. Let's just say that I'll be practicing my parking skills in the nosebleed section of the parking lot.

*I mostly overcame my fear of lighting matches thanks to the gas stove in our flat. It's still a little scary, but hey, progress is progress.

*I learned how to teach and managed to not bore my students to death! :-D

*I met my four teammates and learned how to live with them while loving them. We had our ups and downs throughout the year, but overall, I feel so blessed to be part of their team. I love you, girls!

*I learned how to use and rely on various public transportation systems. Boy, will I miss those in America. I rode my first train in August and have ridden them countless times since then. Such a convenient way to travel.

*I taught my first workshop...to teachers, no less! Yes, I felt totally unqualified, but it was a good learning experience.

*I developed a love for Czech people, especially youth. I never thought I would want to work with youth, and now I spend my spare time on weekends volunteering with Young Life.

*I learned how to speak some Czech. Since I teach English and live with other Americans, I don't think I'll ever be even close to fluent, but at least now I can confuse telemarketers when they call during dinner :-D

*I became very aware of how important it is to appreciate the little blessings every day, especially during the gray and depressing winter.

*Living in Czech has taught me to be more comfortable with myself. I can now go about my day without wearing a stitch of makeup, and it's such a relief.

*I went a whole year without using a dryer for freshly-laundered clothes. At first, I thought I'd die of S.U.S. (starchy underwear syndrome), but I've actually come to appreciate our humble drying rack.

*I learned a whole heck of a lot about myself, and some things were hard lessons to learn. However, I am grateful that God is continuing to shape and mold me into the person He wants me to be. I am continually amazed that while He doesn't need me at all, He still wants to use me. He has given me such a heart for ministry, and I feel so blessed that He chooses to use me in spite of myself.

This year has been quite a ride and I'm excited to see what God has in store for year two. Thank you to everyone who made my first year in Czech such a success. Friends and family (and dog!) at home, I'm so stinkin' excited to see you! To all my Czechsters, I love you and I'll see you in September!

P.S. Here's a picture for your viewing pleasure. It's of the main square in Krakow, Poland on a rainy night during Easter weekend.

it's the final countdown

one more month. that's it. my classes will be officially over as of 9:30 on friday morning. at that moment, a whole school year of teaching will be complete. wow. i will probably engage in some kind of happy dance to celebrate surviving my very first year of teaching.

after classes are over, there will be preparation for english week and english camp, hopefully some time for relaxation and a bit of exploring, and then english week during the last week of june and english camp during the first week of july. after that, i'll have a few days to recuperate, pack, clean, and say "see you in the fall" before boarding a plane to head back to indiana.

july 14th. that's the day. i'm lucky enough *insert sarcasm here* to head out on a 6am flight. i have a three and a half hour layover in frankfurt, a super long flight in which i'm praying for an aisle seat, another hour and a half layover in chicago, and then i arrive at the ft. wayne airport around 4pm. it's going to be one long day, but i'm excited to see my parents and celebrate with some delicious mexican food :-D i'm almost as excited about guacamole, chips & salsa, margaritas, and fried ice cream as i am about seeing my parents. just kidding ;-) mom and dad, you're definitely at the top of my list of what and who i'm looking forward to.

it's quite possible that i will be in a traveling-induced coma for the next few days after i arrive, but once that's over, i am planning to see some wonderful friends, reunite with my church family, enter a cooking/baking frenzy, attend a wedding, gawk at the bling of my newly-engaged friend (yes, amanda prior, i'm talking about you :-D), and see how long i can hug my dog for without him going stir-crazy.

i'll only be home for about a month and a half, and i'm already trying to figure out how i can do it all. there are grandparents i'd like to see in other states, boy meets world marathons/dance parties/baking extravaganzas to have with amanda, huntington friends to visit, favorite eateries to dine at... and by golly, i'm going to try my hardest to squeeze it all in to that time.

boy oh boy, i'm excited. but it's also bittersweet. yes, i'm coming back to ostrava next year, so i don't really have to say any goodbyes (which is good, because i really can't imagine doing that right now), but things will be different next year. i will have some of the same students, but some will be new, friends will leave for universities outside of ostrava, and some friends will actually be leaving for a year in america. some changes will be good while others will be hard to adjust to. i really can't say what next year holds in store other than change and hopefully growth. i hope to continue to grow as a teacher, as a friend, as a roommate and teammate, and of course as a Christ-follower. i hope to continue building the relationships i've already started here and also begin new ones.

that's all for now. to my friends, family, and dog at home, i love you, i miss you, and i'm so very excited to see you. to my friends here in czech, thank you for making my first year here such a successful and joyful time. i love you all and i am very happy for the opportunity to spend another year with you. it's an understatement to say that i'm excited to see what next year holds in store :-)

feels like the first time

first off, i must apologize for my ridiculously long absence. i have a few blog posts in the works though, so hopefully they'll make up for my recent blogging hiatus. in this particular post, i'd like to share some of my experiences from last week. enjoy!

last week was a week of firsts. not just any firsts, mind you, but firsts that really only come with living overseas as a foreigner. so here they are, in no specific order of preference or entertainment potential:

1. i saw my first nude sunbather. thankfully, they were on the other side of the riverbank. though i will say that my first thought was something akin to, "toto, we're not in kansas anymore."

2. i visited a grocery store that i'd always wondered about but had never set foot inside of, called lidl. if you've experienced aldi's in the states, then you've basically been to lidl. i was fortunate enough to make my visit during 'asian week,' aka hello cheap teriyaki sauce, sweet & sour sauce, and chow mein noodles week. yay!

3. i baked for the first time in the 9 months that i've lived overseas, which sounds like an eternity. i mean, really, that's enough time for a baby to bake in a belly oven. i made a delicious batch of m&m cookies. only they weren't really m&m cookies, seeing as i substituted the cheaper and more widely available czech version known as lentilky. and i'll let you in on a secret...though the peanut butter and almond varieties of m&ms will always hold a special place in my heart, i think lentilky are actually better than plain m&ms. the candy shell is just a smidge bit thicker, which creates quite a satisfying crunch. and there i go again, being the typical american and talking non-stop about food...the point of the story is that the cookies were quickly gobbled up by a room full of hungry teens at younglife klub, so i dare say that they were a success. next stop on the baking train is muffins. and heck, maybe i'll even go crazy and bake another batch of cookies before another 9 months goes by.

4. i went to another new place all by myself (twice in one week, i know!). this time, it was a local cafe right at one of the tram stops by my flat. i'd always wanted to go in, but trying out a new cafe just didn't seem like the thing to do alone. however, this day was especially sunshiney, i didn't have any obligations for hours, and i had a copy of jane austen's northanger abbey with me. so you see, there wasn't any good reason to delay my cafe adventure any longer. well, it turned out to be quite an adventure. i'd heard that they had chai tea, which isn't something you often find here, as the czech word for tea is pronounced exactly like chai, so if you ask for chai, you're basically asking for plain old tea. needless to say, i was brimming with excitement for real chai tea. however, i couldn't find it on the menu. instead of simply (though is it ever truly simple when you don't fluently speak the language?) asking if they had chai tea, i thought maybe it was called something else on their menu. i found another item with tea in the name, and the price looked to be what i'd imagine, so i ordered it. i should have known that something wasn't quite right when the waitress asked me if i wanted it warm or normal, but i didn't want to seem like the ignorant foreigner, so i said normal and went back to my book. but as i looked over to watch her make it and saw her reach for a bottle of alcohol, i knew that i'd made a huge mistake. not that tea with alcohol would necessarily be awful, but it wasn't what i wanted, especially at 10am. of course, when i'm under stress, the tiny amount of czech i do know goes completely out the window. i should have been able to say something like, "i'm sorry, that isn't what i wanted. do you have chai tea? yes? i'd like that, please. thank you." however, what actually came out was more like, "no, no, no. ugh...i'm sorry, ugh, but no. ugh, do you have chai tea?" in other words, i totally failed in not looking like an ignorant foreigner. but never fear, in the end, i was able to get the chai tea that i'd been looking forward to. though i will admit, i think i'll wait a few weeks before showing my face there again.

5. i had american bacon for the first time since...august? boy oh boy, it was delicious. bacon is the number one reason why i could never become a permanent vegetarian. on this oh so special day, i also had homemade biscuits and gravy and waffles (courtesy of lidl) with peanut butter and syrup. it was a good day for my stomach.

6. i got my first mosquito bites of the season. not just one of course...more like ten. and let me tell you, czech mosquitos are vicious. i'm truly convinced they are some sort of evolved, mutant machine of evil. the bites are huge and red, and they stick around for ages. yay summer!

so there you have it. a seemingly normal week of my life in ostrava, but with a few more firsts than usual. i hope they brought you a chuckle or two :)

31,536,000 seconds

One year = 365 days, which = 8760 hours, which = 525,600 minutes, which = 31,536,000 seconds (assuming it's not a leap year). No, I'm not giving you a math lesson. I'm simply trying to break down the additional amount of time that I've dedicated to God's work in the Czech Republic. That's right, I've decided to stay in Ostrava, Czech Republic for another year.

Those of you who know me well know that I do not make big decisions lightly. Heck, I have been known to stand in the hair product aisle at Walmart for a ridiculous amount of time just because I can't make the seemingly simple choice of which shampoo and conditioner to purchase. Needless to say, the decision to stay overseas for another year was not a snap decision. I miss my family and friends, my dog, and the numerous comforts and familiarities that I took for granted in the snuggly, warm bubble of home. However, God has made it very apparent that my time here is not up yet. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to make it sound like I feel that I have to stay...I love it here and I want to stay for as long as possible. While my contract with TeachOverseas is only one year at a time, I really don't want to put a time stamp on my life here. I want to be here for as long as God allows.

God is doing some major work in the hearts and minds of the youth I work with in Ostrava, and I'm constantly amazed that He chooses to use someone imperfect like me to help build His kingdom. I am so excited to continue the relationships that I've started this year with my students and the youth at younglife. In regards to the potential of staying here for more than two years, I have no idea what His long-term plans are, but I know that they are perfect. In fact, I found a quote recently that seems quite fitting: "If we can trust God with our eternity, we've gotta trust Him with our now." Perhaps it seems obvious, but I think it's a great daily reminder that God cares about our day to day life, not just where we end up when this life is over.

I Will Bring Praise

I've recently had a song on my heart. It's Desert Song by Hillsong. Perhaps you've heard it. If not, I strongly recommend giving it a listen. The lyrics are powerful, yet simple.

This is my prayer in the desert

When all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in my hunger and need

My God is a God who provides.

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flame.

I will bring praise, I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice, I will declare

God is my victory and He is here.

This is my prayer in the battle

When triumph is still on its way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand.

I will bring praise, I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice, I will declare

God is my victory and He is here.

All of my life, in every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship.

I will bring praise, I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice, I will declare

God is my victory and He is here.

And this is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

The seed I've received I will sow.

When I think about the lyrics to this song, I am both challenged and encouraged. I don't know about you, but praising God in the crummy times of life is never easy for me. When it seems like nothing goes right (or at least the way I want it to), my first instinct is to lick my wounds or feel sorry for myself. However, this song challenges me to praise God no matter what the situation is like, whether in the desert, fire, battle, or harvest. Notice that it mentions only one "happy" or comfortable situation...and that's at the end. As Christians, we are going to endure trials and suffering. We are going to be put into uncomfortable situations, and those experiences are for a greater purpose that we might never understand. But no matter what experience God brings us through, He is there with us the whole time and deserves our praise.

I love the part of the song where it says "God is my victory and He is here." HERE, as in, He is present. How awesome and encouraging it is to know that my Lord, my creator, is here with me. He isn't some distant being that pushes me around like a figurine in the game of LIFE and watches to see what happens. He knows my trials and pain just as He knows my hopes and dreams. He knows these things because he is not just watching; He is here, He is present.

I hope the words of this song challenge and encourage your heart as they have mine.

A Different Kind of Makeover

Happy New Year! In light of celebrating the change from 2010 to 2011, I have given my blog a bit of a face-lift. The change in year seemed like an appropriate time for tweaking, which brings me to my thought for the day: Makeovers.

Makeovers are popular. People (usually women) get bored with how they look or want to freshen-up their look. This is especially popular after the New Year. In fact, I don't think I can remember a time when I went back to school or work after the holidays and didn't see visible changes that people had made. These changes were usually in the realm of hair length or color. Are makeovers a problem? Of course not! I quite enjoy makeup, and I happen to have two boxes of semi-permanent haircolor in my closet...

However, since it is the time of New Years resolutions, I can't help but think about how much focus we put on our image. Diet and exercise plans typically top the list of most popular New Years resolutions (which, let's face it, are usually short-lived) and you can find countless articles on ways to spruce up your look--be it with clothes, makeup, hairstyles, jewelry, etc. Now, maybe you don't put a lot of thought or effort into your appearance. Maybe you don't wear any sort of makeup, take much time to fix your hair, and have never made any diet or exercise goals. Good for you. I admire you...as I am a member of the majority of people who put too much thought and effort into their appearance.

Therefore, my goal (or resolution, if you will) for 2011 is to put LESS focus on my outsides, and MORE focus on my insides. No, I'm not talking about taking vitamins or trying to eat more heart-healthy foods. When I say my insides, I mean my mind and my heart. I want to focus on clearing out all the junk that has taken up residence in these parts so that they might better reflect Christ. In place of all that junk, I want to fill my mind and heart with content that is holy and pleasing to God. Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

This is my new goal. Does it mean I should throw out my makeup? No, but it means that I will be spending less time in the mirror and more time in the Word.

camouflage

i've been in czech for 4 months now, and while i love my parents, friends, and church family back in indiana, my heart is here in ostrava. you might say that being in central europe for a year lends itself to amazing travel opportunities, and while yes, it does, i have found that i don't really want to travel much. in fact, i haven't even been out of the czech republic yet. europe has always held a special place in my heart, and after studying french for 5 years, it has always been a dream of mine to travel all throughout france. greece, hungary, croatia, ireland, england, spain, portugal, belgium, germany, poland, austria, and a trip back to italy are all on my list of places in europe that i deeply desire to visit. but my ministry isn't in any of those places. it's here. in ostrava. in 90% of those other countries, i have no friends to visit...only landmarks. my relationships are here, so why would i want to spend my time anywhere else?

one thing i love about ostrava is that it is not touristy at all. sure, there are postcards available in certain shops, and i've even seen an ostrava calendar. but unlike prague, where there are souvenir shops on every corner and nearly everyone speaks english, ostrava doesn't cater to tourists, especially in terms of the english language. in fact, unless i am around one of the other americans, in class, or hanging out with my czech friends, i rarely hear anyone speaking english. i'm so used to not understanding other conversations around me that when i hear english spoken outside of those situations, it's the strangest feeling. a few weeks ago, i was in my favorite cafe with one of my czech friends, and two guys sat down at a table near us and started speaking english. i became so distracted that trying to maintain the conversation with my friend was nearly impossible. all my brain wanted to do was listen to their conversation.

when i go into a shop, i expect that czech will be spoken and i do my best to communicate my needs using my limited czech vocabulary. therefore, when i can successfully accomplish something (for example, ordering a meal) without 1. the person helping me reverting to english (whether it be to practice their english or to help me out) or 2. feeling like i have a blinking sign on my forehead that says "ignorant american," i feel like i blend in. let me tell you, it's a good feeling. i get a big sense of satisfaction when someone asks me for directions as if i am a local. granted, i also feel a bit helpless because i can't truly help them. however, that's not the point. the point is this: over the past 4 months, i have spent so much time and effort trying to blend in. sometimes i am successful, other times i am not.

in some ways, it is important to blend in. for example, adapting to some aspects of the culture is important. i certainly don't want to do something that would be considered rude or offensive. i also don't want to further the ignorant american stereotype. however, there is one very big part of me that i do not want to camouflage in order to fit in with czech culture: my faith. i may live in a spiritually dark area of the world, but i am not here to hide my light under a bushel; i am here to let it shine. matthew 5:14-16 says, "you are the light of the world. a town built on a hill cannot be hidden. neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. in the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your father in heaven."

this little light of mine, i'm gonna let it shine.

The Ostrava Saga Pt. III

Well, this is embarrassing. I officially fail at providing consistent updates. I would apologize, but I have a feeling that it would come out sounding like a list of lame excuses, so I shall refrain and simply assure you that I intend to do better in the future. One thing I would like to point out to you before charging ahead into this post is the addition of "pages" on my blog. They can be found on the righthand side of my blog. Currently, there are two. One is about Fishnet, the language school I work at, and the other is about my ministry here in Ostrava. I also plan to do another one about why I chose to teach overseas in the first place. The information on these pages will help give some background to my blog posts, so please give them a glance.

Now, without further adieu, I give you: The Ostrava Saga Pt. III: A Change of Plans

Sounds scary, doesn't it? Plans are comfortable. Anyone who knows me well knows that I like to have all my ducks in a row. However, as one friend recently told me, "Want to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans." I entitled this post "a change of plans" for a few reasons. Reason #1: What I was originally going to post in the last part of the saga I instead chose to create pages for. Reason #2? Hold this thought. I'll come back to it later... ;)

I have been here in the Czech Republic for about 3 months now, and the time has flown by so fast. Teaching started on September 6th with business classes, and then public courses started on the 20th. Since then, I have learned that teaching is a full-time job. Even with only 24 teaching hours per week, there are lessons to plan, meetings to attend, and plenty of ministry opportunities to be a part of. Each week is quite full, but in a good way. I wish I could give you a play-by-play of the past two months here, but the truth is, I can't. Besides, your eyeballs would probably fall out attempting to read all about it anyway. However, I can give you some highlights and details of my time here the past two months.

*One of my best friends, Claudia, came to visit me the first week of September. She lives in Germany, and I hadn't seen her in about two years, so it was a great reunion. I felt a bit helpless since I'd only been here for a short time, but we did some exploring in Ostrava and had a lovely time. A few days after the visit, she flew out to Oregon to study for a year at a university in Ashland. There's nothing quite like swapping continents, but I am very excited for Christmas, as she is coming home and has invited me to stay with her and her family in Olbernhau and experience Germany for the first time.

*I never thought I would be a teacher OR work with youth. Boy does God have a sense of humor. After being here and experiencing both of these opportunities, I am pleased to say that I have amazing students and I am altogether in LOVE with this place. God is doing something big here in Ostrava and I feel so blessed to be a part of it. The past few film nights have had an amazing turnout...upwards of 80-90 youth! We meet in the cafe of the church I attend, and there's almost not enough room for everyone now. Also, at the last Young Life club, we had over 50 youth attend. In a country where so many people are tolerant of Christians but remain unbelievers, seeing God working in the hearts of the youth here is such an encouragement to me.

*Around the end of September, I was invited to go to the mountains with one of my students, her husband, and two-year-old son. It was such a wonderful experience of many 1sts, including: my first time picking wild blueberries, my first time truly hiking in the mountains, my first blueberry frgal (boy oh boy is this a delicious pastry), and my first time seeing a real wolf up close. Don't worry...the wolf was actually a domesticated Czechoslovakian wolf (AKA it thought it was a dog) and it was quite friendly. Oh, and of course I supported my team and wore my Notre Dame sweatshirt. Thanks for asking :)

*Arts in the CZ are much more available, not to mention much cheaper. I went with my team in September to see Carmen (for about $8!) at the opera (which was quite an experience, as it's a French opera, set in Spain, and it had Czech subtitles scrolling across a marquis), and I recently saw the ballet Giselle with the same student that I went to the mountains with. There are at least three theatres here in Ostrava, and I look forward to seeing many more shows.

*I had a wonderful experience in the mountains two weeks ago at a Young Life event called Film Weekend. To make a long story short, about 35 kids, not including leaders and a few Fishnet teachers including yours truly, spent an entire weekend watching and discussing films, playing games, and having a grand ol' time. This is of course AFTER hiking up the side of the mountain in the dark and at a practically vertical angle. I'll never think of steep in the same way again. Gotta get myself some hiking boots... I could probably do an entire post on this weekend. Perhaps I shall. Regardless, this was a weekend that I will never forget.

There are many more details and events I could share with you, but this is already getting quite lengthy. However, before I bid you adieu, I will take you back to reason #2. Ha, that rhymed. So, "a change of plans" also refers to my current predicament. When I originally signed on to this adventure across the pond, I only thought of it as a one-year kinda deal. It didn't even really occur to me that I would have the opportunity or desire to stay longer. However, the reality is that 1. I love it here. 2. ESI (my sending organization) wants to know in March whether their teachers plan to stay or return to the states. 3. I am prayerfully considering staying for another year. You might ask, "What is the benefit of staying longer?" or "Isn't one year enough?"

To answer these questions, let me share with you a question that EVERY single student and acquaintance has asked me since I arrived: "How long are you staying?" The people here are so used to people like me coming and then going after one year that they are afraid to truly invest in a relationship if we're only going to be here a short while. I don't blame them. Don't get me wrong, it is possible to build relationships here in one year, but think of what can be done in two. Trust takes time. Therefore, I ask that you keep me in your prayers as I continue this year and contemplate the future. I am not hasty in my decisions, and I don't do this to frighten you. I tell you this so that we can pray together. Plus, I've found that it's better to let the people you care about have time to get used to an idea instead of springing it on them right before a deadline.

I shall end this post with a good quote that I found recently. "Decisions come easier when your will to please God outweighs your will to please the world." -Anso Coetzerny

Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for your prayers. I love you all.

The Ostrava Saga Pt. II

Halt. Have you read The Ostrava Saga Pt. I yet? If not, I would recommend reading it first. Don't worry, I won't come out of the woodwork and hit you over the head with a frying pan if you don't...it's just not the way the saga was intended to be read. Feel free to keep reading. There's no need to put a lock on the door of your pots and pans ;)

The Ostrava Saga Pt. II: Hello Ostrava!

Wow, where do I begin? By now, we've (btw, whenever I say we/we've/our, I mean my team) been here in Ostrava for just over a week. We arrived on Friday, August 20th around 8pm Central European Time. The 6-hour time difference from home didn't prove to be too terrible the first day, but by our second day here, I was really feeling the jet lag. There's nothing like being tired all the time. Yuck. Glad that's over. Thankfully, our time here has been really low-key so far.

Here are some highlights:

*Ostrava City Hall has a viewing tower, so we paid a small fee to see an incredible view of the city. I was silly enough to forget my camera, so here are some pictures (courtesy of my lovely teammate, Shelly McMullen) of the tower itself and some of the views:

Just think, this is only a speck of Ostrava! There is so much more to show you...I just need to think of the best way to do that. Uploading pictures on here isn't really the best option, so I am open to suggestions.

*We went to our first Czech restaurant. It was located in the lower level of a museum, and the 5 of us were literally the only ones there (besides the waitress and the chef, of course). Delicious food. They even had an English menu, which was definitely helpful, though we felt a bit guilty for using it. Since then, though, we've been to three other Czech food establishments and successfully ordered food using a Czech menu.

*I had my very first IKEA experience. We needed a dresser for the flat, so we took the tram (one of the three forms of public transportation here in Ostrava) and visited IKEA. My teammates were extremely ambitious, as they decided it would be no problem to simply transport the dresser back to our flat (aka apartment). Yeah...the dresser weighed 72 lbs. What a day.

*We've been grocery shopping numerous times already (since we have to carry our purchases back to the flat, we can only buy so much). There is a mall near our flat that includes a large TESCO, which is like a Walmart. Shopping there is pretty easy thanks to the fact that we don't usually need to know the Czech word for each item. The deli counter is really the only exception, and even then, the ladies there can usually tell that we're new at this and are therefore pretty patient with us.

*4 of us went to the Cine Star (a movie theatre in the mall by our flat) and saw Inception. Wow. Now there's a movie that will make you think. I'd wanted to see it for awhile, but hadn't had the chance. It showed in English, but with Czech subtitles. Here are some interesting things to note about the movie theatre experience here:

1) When you purchase a ticket, you're actually reserving a particular seat.

2) Therefore, unlike Americans, Czechs don't arrive early to pick their seats. In fact, they don't arrive early at all. When we first entered the theatre, I was worried that we were in the wrong theatre because there were so few people and I knew that most of the seats were already reserved. However, they all showed up during the previews.

3) There's a bar in the lobby of the theatre, but you can't take drinks past the ticket-rippers and into the actual viewing rooms. Not that I tried. Just an observation...

4) There are select seats in the theatre for couples. I was lucky enough to find this out as my seat was right next to a "loveseat." Literally, it's two seats put together. Thankfully, the couple sitting next to me actually wanted to watch the movie.

*We all bought a 3-month transportation pass, which makes for extremely convenient travel via the bus, trolley-bus, and tram here in Ostrava. Yes, we take public transportation to get pretty much everywhere except the Futurum mall (where the TESCO is located, along with lots of shops and a large food court--perfect for when we aren't feeling ambitious in the kitchen) and church.

*Church! We've been to church twice already, and we all love it. It's a Czech Brethren church, and it also happens to be where most of the Fishnet (our school) teachers attend. Hello community :) What's more, we get to listen to the message in English via a large set of headphones as someone in the back translates for us. Yes, we sit in the front and look obviously American because of this. Worship is not translated though, so we all attempt to sing the hymns in Czech. This proves to be very entertaining. I quite enjoy it. It's a great way to practice my Czech pronunciation, even if I have no clue what I'm saying.

Now, you are probably all curious about our flat. Drumroll please. Here's the outside of the building:

We're on the 7th floor (it's really the 6th...but Europeans do things differently). Our flat is right above the orange line, and that's our own balcony. We have lots of windows, so there's plenty of natural light. We love it. Our views are amazing. Plus, there are no window panes, so we get a clear, unobstructed view :) It's a hassle to put pictures on here, so I'll take a video of the flat and give you a nice little tour sometime soon.

I hope you enjoyed seeing a tiny snippet of Ostrava. It's a pretty cool city, and once it stops raining (it's been gray and rainy here for about 5 days), I'll go exploring and take lots of pictures :)

Next up is The Ostrava Saga Pt. III, which will be about our school and what ministry will look like here. Stay tuned!

The Ostrava Saga Pt. I

Hi y'all! Sorry for the extreme delay. Hopefully you still remember me...

In any case, there is so much to say that I've decided to break my update into three parts. It shall be called The Ostrava Saga. Don't worry, it's not related to The Twilight Saga. No vampires or werewolves were harmed during the making of this update ;)

The Ostrava Saga Pt. I: End of Training/The Travel Experience

Training was...how shall I put it? Difficult. Stretching. Funny. Heartbreaking. Love-filled. There are so many ways to describe it. Let's just say this: it was the best of times; it was the worst of times. I absolutely loved it while I loved to hate it. I loved getting to know the other teachers who were heading to other countries. I absolutely hated saying goodbye. In a way, we became a family during training. Our time was full of preparation for the next year, but since we were preparing together, it seemed like we would be together the next year as well. Things were comfy and cozy. Then reality set it in as each country team left, with the Czech team being the last to go. In fact, us Czechsters were there at training two days after all the other teams had departed. There was nothing to do but pack and wait. As a fellow Czech teacher put it, it was like we were in Purgatory.

Finally, it was time to weigh our bags. This also consisted of repacking them several times so that they would be under 50 lbs. a piece. Though I think this was more of a girl thing...the guys didn't seem to have much of a problem. After a handful of tries, I was finally able to get both of my bags to 48.something lbs. each. Now that's success :)

Travel was certainly an experience. The Czech team assembled at 10:30am August 19th to receive our visas (Which reminds me, all 5 of us Ostrava girls were the last to receive ours...they came in on the 18th. Let's just say that was a HUGE answer to prayer.) and passports, pray together, and hoist our luggage into the vans that were taking us to LAX. With 13 travelers, there was quite a bit of luggage. Each person had two big suitcases at max capacity and two carry-on items. You do the math :) We managed to all get in line together at the Lufthansa ticket counter...a feat in itself. Then disaster struck.

Ok, ok, a slight exaggeration. Here's what happened: TeachOverseas had arranged it so that we could take 2 bags, but Lufthansa was only going to allow us one. Thankfully, Laura (our RD) and Josh (the transportation director) were there to sort everything out. We got all of our second bags paid for and checked, but we still didn't have our boarding passes. Apparently, the Lufthansa lady in charge of that got tired of us and went on a break. Not sure if that's really what happened, but after waiting to the side of the counter for about an hour and a half, it sure seemed that way. Thankfully, she magically reappeared, and all was well.

The guy in security who was in charge of making sure that 1) my passport was real, and 2) that I was the same person as the one pictured in my passport, asked if I was taking all of Los Angeles with me. Let's just say that it was extremely apparent that my bags were heavy...not to mention huge on such a small person. I told him that it sure seemed that way. His response? "Spread the love." :)

After waiting so long at the ticket counter, we no longer had a long wait at the gate for our flight to Frankfurt. I was in row 54, seat G. There were about 57 rows of 10 seats across, and out of the 13 Czechsters, I was the furthest back. I sat next to a mother and her two kids and was glad to have an aisle seat. The little girl sitting next to me was indeed adorable, but little children do not have good dexterity, and so everytime the airline fed us, I prayed that her food would not end up all over me. The flight was about 10 hours, and I barely slept a wink. This was mostly because said little girl next to me decided that I would make a great pillow. It was actually kind of cute, but let's just say that I couldn't get comfortable to save my life.

We had taken off half an hour late because a passenger was stuck in customs, so we arrived to Frankfurt half an hour late. This wouldn't have been a problem...except that our hour and a half layover was then reduced to 45 minutes for getting through customs and security...oh, and making it from gate B to gate A (which you'd think wouldn't be far, but oh, we might as well have been at gate Z). We literally had to sprint to catch the plane to Prague. So here we are, 13 sweaty and out of breath Americans, crawling onto a fairly small plane with like a minute to spare and all the European passengers staring at us like we're crazy (not that I blame them). And of course, an 18-member orchestra had boarded with their instruments, so all the overhead storage bins were full. And remember, we all had 2 carry-on items a piece. Oh, and I was lucky enough to be in the emergency exit row, which meant that I couldn't even have luggage under the seat in front of me. Hooray :S With the help of the flight attendants and a taller member of the Czech team, my luggage was stowed away in time for the plane to head down the runway. Whew.

Thankfully, the Hungarian lady sitting next to me in the exit row didn't appear too fazed. In fact, she was quite nice. She asked if I was American (hmmm, how could you tell? ;) hehe) and we proceeded to have a nice conversation. She asked why I was heading to Prague, so I told her that all 13 of the straggling passengers were together and how we were headed to the Czech Republic to teach for a year. She wanted to know if we were all going to be in Prague, and who/what we would be teaching. It was a short flight, so we didn't get to talk for long, but after all we'd been though, it was so enjoyable to have a nice conversation with a stranger (the little girl next to me on the 10-hour flight wasn't exactly chatty).

All of us had planned for our baggage to be lost, but we were pleasantly surprised to find that every single piece had made it to Prague. Now we just had to get it all to our respective cities. Our contact in Ostrava had sent his sister-in-law, Eva, to pick us up from the airport and put us on the train, and suddenly it was time to say goodbye to the rest of the Czech team. Then it was just us Ostrava girls and Eva pulling all of our luggage (about 20 pieces total) onto the bus, down a huge set of stairs to the metro, on and off two different metro lines (to get to the train station), and finally onto the train.

Thankfully, we weren't rushed for time...until we had to heave each heavy piece of luggage up the steep stairs of the train before it took off. That was fun. The train was really full, and with so many pieces of luggage to watch, most of us ended up sitting on the luggage in the aisle. At one point, I layed across 3 big suitcases. It was actually pretty comfortable. It was my first "real" train ride, and the scenery was beautiful...which made up for the lack of seats. After 4 hours, we arrived in Ostrava and created a sort of assembly line to get all our luggage off. However, we were spared from having to do it all ourselves, as 4 people approached the train, asked if we were the Fishnet girls, and proceeded to hoist all of our luggage off of the train. What a relief! The four people consisted of: the school director, the school secretary and her husband, and the affiliated church's youth pastor (who used to work at Fishnet). They packed us (and our luggage) into cars and took us to our flats, where we promptly passed out.

Actually, before passing out, they took my team to visit the other girls' flat, which is about 10 minutes away from ours. While exploring the other girls' flat, I needed to pay homage to the bathroom. Their bathroom had a key in the lock, so I played with it. Boy was that a mistake...I couldn't get out! I swallowed my pride, banged on the door, and yelped something about being locked in. Of course, the four other girls and the four people from school thought this was hilarious, so they were all standing outside the door laughing at me. Don't worry, I made it out ;) But there's nothing like having your first embarrassing moment in a new country right away.

If you've made it this far, you can see why this update needed to be split into parts. I'll be working on part II this evening, so stay tuned! Also, once these extremely lengthy updates (sorry about that...I cut as much as I could) are all up, my new goal for this blog will be to post a little something every few days instead of posting novels once a month.

Thanks for reading! I love you all :)