Monday, May 17, 2010

and this is how it feels...

i graduated from college on saturday, and the classic "graduation song" by vitamin c was on repeat in my head no matter how many times i tried to shut it off. sure, it's a bit ridiculous, but it was relevant. if you're unfamiliar with the song, or simply need a refresher, visit youtube.

being done with college is such a strange feeling. four years just doesn't quite seem long enough. i'd be perfectly happy if we had four years of normal classes and then one year to relax, play with friends, and simply figure things out. unfortunately, the piece of paper (aka diploma) i received on saturday was expensive enough with just four years on my tab.

now it's time to move on. am i ready? in some ways, yes. but in other ways, no. by all means, i'm glad to be done with papers, exams, and presentations. that part of the college experience wasn't exactly the most entertaining aspect. it's nice to be able to read books for fun now, instead of studying textbooks and wishing that i could learn via osmosis. however, it was unnerving to pack up all my stuff and know that i wouldn't be moving it all back in after the summer. side note: isn't it crazy how much junk one can accumulate over the course of four years? i'm attempting to break my bad habit of keeping everything "just in case."

currently, i'm sitting in my room with boxes and bags littering the floor, and i'm wondering what to do with all of it. what do i keep? what needs to go? each item has at least one memory attached to it, which is why it's so hard to just throw something away, even though i know deep down that i'll never need to use it again. if i hold onto everything, it makes it that much harder to move on with life. i'm learning that i can't keep everything from the past. not only does it weigh me down, but it makes it difficult to press forward. God gave our human minds a great capacity for filing memories. for example, just because i finally throw away those notes from high school (yes, i still have some...don't judge me) doesn't mean that i'll forget the experiences i had in those classes. perhaps if i take the time to de-clutter my life at least a little bit, focusing on the present and the future will be easier. plus, it will make navigating my room much less dangerous :)

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

it's the end of the world as we know it... it's not the end of the world, but it's the end of life as i know it. school has been my life for as long as i can remember, but this saturday, i will graduate from huntington university, and a new chapter of my life will begin.

as i sit here at my computer and sip delicious macadamia nut coffee from my rainbow & unicorn mug, i can't help but think about how my life is about to change. i'm not going down the "normal" post-graduate path of finding a job and looking for a place to live. instead, i'm moving back home for a couple months before heading to the czech republic for a year to teach conversational english.

yeah. i'm totally excited, but it's funny how God works. if you would have asked me a few months ago what i was planning to do after graduation, teaching conversational english in a foreign country would not have been any of the options. don't get me wrong, it's a swell opportunity. it's just that swell opportunities tend to evade me. either that, or i don't think that i'm qualified to look into said opportunity. but this time, God dropped this opportunity of a lifetime right into my lap. wow, i've said "opportunity" way too many times. forgive me.

anyway, what i'm trying to say is this: i have so many emotions swirling inside me right now. i'm excited for this new adventure, i'm nervous about trying to fund-raise over $10,000, and i'm blessed to be able to move back home and have the support of my parents before leaving the country. at the same time that i'm ready to be done with school, actually leaving is another story. it's a very bittersweet feeling. i'm moving on with my life, but there are beautiful people here on campus that not only will i not see for a year, but i may never see again. that fact simply breaks my heart. i don't care if we are acquaintances that only chatted in class or on the mall, or if we are good all hold a special place in my heart.